leonniefm 30 May 2010 Scribble 15 views 2 Comments Print This Post  Email This Post

It has been a long while since the last time I wrote something here. There are few reasons, I believe, but the biggest one would be having nothing to tell anyone about.

This website bares my name. I even dare to say that it is my personal brand. I have committed to my self that I will write only my own thought and they should be honest. Lately, to be honest to the public is something hard to do.

To tell the truth is not something hard. Not when you know people will take it as it is. Not when you know there will be no one to twist the story.

The internet is doing its best in keeping everything that once thrown in it. Including about my husband’s medical condition or my son’s Autistic tendency. It certainly also records every concern words sent our ways, every raised questions and every digital hugs.

To tell something like “I am an HIV positive”, the way my husband did it, could raise a lot of responses. Questions, endless questions, will come like a series of waves. Such news have the power to change. It will send new friends your way and send frends away to a place where you will hear nothing from them ever again.

Like it or not, such fact will raise pity. I do not like it.

No matter how inevitable it is, pity was not something I expect will rise after the news.

Pity will make people need at least two extra seconds to understand that it was not the reason why the news was send in the first place. In some people the clock ticks endlessly they never reach the understanding.

Pity will make some people come to lend a hand and think they then have the privilege to walk all over you whenever they want.

Pity will make people think that the unfolded truth was a tool to get privileges we might not deserve.

Oh we do want privileges, just like every other normal and healthy people, we do want them. We want privileges to raise our children in an ideal world. We want privileges to work and be productive like the rest of the no-way-I-could-catch-HIV people.

We want privileges where people would not have to concern about our medical condition.

We want privileges where every time we tell the world that today something less fortunate happens to us, people would not think that we want to raise pity.

What do we do when we can’t have any of that privileges? We move on. We do not have the privilege to worry about the negativity around us. We already have our plate full with so many unideal factors.

Fortunately, the world is less damaged than we think it is. We are given the chance to live the world like every other productive human beings.

We now have the privilege of walking away from people who offer us a plateful of pity with a series of terms on the side.

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So I write again today to tell another truth. Life does smile.